Sociopaths, Users, and No Contact
No Contact Is More Than We Might Think It Is
No contact is the pathological user’s Achilles heel. When we don’t respond it scares them to pieces. That’s why they rage. No contact is our freedom. Safety and freedom from a narcissistic user, a sociopath, depends on establishing and keeping no contact. We establish no contact. Pathological predators a.k.a. sociopaths depend on keeping contact. They must keep contact in order to keep us a ball of emotions.
When we’re balls of emotions and confusion there’s an open door for them straight into our lives. The success of their mind-bending effect on us is only possible through contact. In a sociopath’s perfect world, there would be bo such thing as no contact. Without contact, they have nothing.
Contact Keeps the Hunt Going
The thing is, for a narcissistic predator, their agenda is only possible with contact. The more consistent and deep the contact, the more harm we’re in for. — We set up no contact.
They will not, ever, really, ever end contact. It’s common for a sociopath to boomerang back into someone’s life years after the hijacking.
The First Contact is Love Bombing: It’s Bait
They bombard us, overwhelm us, spin us off the ground, and into “love” with them. Once they hook us, they need to keep yapping whenever they notice the hook is slipping. The yapping can b enice or mean stuff shotooting out of hteir gobs.
Our normal; our emotional, natural responses that come from our normal reality is what the hook hooks into. They drop hints or give orders to keep us from our family or friends. More often this comes as a wedge they plant to separate us.
The dirtbag I married used to say, “Your sister doesn’t love you. She didn’t even call you back.” Pinging on the fact that, indeed, it is me who keeps my sister and I connected. The sore spot of truth inside my life that this comment hit was the fact that it takes me calling her three times or so before she calls me back. And I can count on less fingers than I have on one hand the number of times in my life that my sister has called me spontaneously. — He tapped a raw little place that led me to quickly and inefficiently to sort through my mind does she love me, doesn‘t she love me… teetering on the brink of steppng into the mush of quicksand of believing him.
All their words have meaning in this way towards their simplistic goals. They can’t have others alerting us to how full of hot air and weird they are. The sociopath creates an “us and them” existence.
They keep yammering at high velocity, they keep in contact via texts, Snapchat and the like, even when they live with us! That’s as deep as they get. It’s only that. It’s how they keep inside our heads, hearts, and bank accounts. Bait. Contact. Things that keep our emotions spinning.
No Contact Ends the Game
Throughout our “relationship” their attention comes in cycles to reel us back in from time to time. Routinely they do an all-points-bare-minimum in maintenance. When they sense we’re seeing through the smokescreen, they either pour on the nice in charm and promises or get mean becoming nasty, grumpy, and mad. Both nice and mean require contact and are bait.
And for all the hate they have for us because they need us, the narcissistic-user-sociopath will hold on as long as possible. As the sociopath’s weirdness, deception, and betrayal come into focus, we want an end. We, as their prey, want out of the nightmare. Stand up and protect our lives, even in this overwhelming disaster, don’t give in to defeat. Instead, only continue to build treasures of the heart.
If it’s nice they offer, our naturally good-hearted nature and the effects of their venom, do the work of leading us to interpret and imbue their off-handed glances, and bare-bones contact with deep and positive meaning, full of love and commitment, so we stay in it. No such thing as genuine nice is happening, but thinking that it is, is normal.
If it’s “mean” and anger they use, we naturally react in fear and then stay in it out of this fear — or out of guilt, shame, and confusion. This is normal. We all give them the benefit of the doubt and stay. Or we stay out of fear. This is the way it goes until that one moment when the spell breaks.
Every bit of any contact a sociopath makes is to take and use and keep taking… it’s bait, from love bombing, the common term for the contact that reels us in initially and all the way through the final smear campaign.
No Contact Isn’t Normal or Easy for Normal People
Out of being normal humans, we give credit to their scanty efforts: Oh, he’s been so busy, and he called me anyway, he must care! And, …He left flowers at the door last night! He really does love me! — And so, we stay in it.
It’s that simple and we’ve all interpreted their empty promises this way. This is normal.
And, along with all of this, fear of them freezes us right where we are, so we stay in it. This is normal. And then if we don’t understand why we believe their lies, we tend to blame ourselves long after — or — stay much longer. - The reality is, even one more millisecond of contact and access to rampage and ransack our lives is a millisecond too many.
Contact Means They Can Get Back In: Contact Is How Any and All of it Happens
When we want out, a sociopath’s drive to keep us in their grasp intensifies. Just as they smell fresh prey, they can sense it when we’re beginning to see through them to the point that things are going to end.
They know when we’ve caught a glimpse behind the veil of lies and they go to work to regain our trust, to keep us locked in place. Mean or nice…everything, all the things they do are an attempt to keep things going and are bait — and require: contact.
Their Concern is Survival and Nothing Else
Out of narcissistic arrogance and the simple need for survival, antisocial psychopaths despise losing their bagged targets. And for all the hate they have for us — they need us — and the narcissistic-user-sociopath will hold on as long as possible.
It’s the things, the status, and the opportunities we provide that compel them to hang on with just-enough-contact. Thye swing back-and-forth, hot-and-cold, nice-and-mean, to keep us in place by our own emotional responses to them combined with our misunderstanding of what is actually happening.
Manipulation, Bait, and Tricks Ramp Up in the Face of Losing Contact
Eventually, that day comes for us when the “magic” is gone, and so when they whip out their standard bait: make coffee for us or put air in the tires or murmur — again — without eye contact, you’re special to me. — This time, our emotional response is flat or numb. We can see them more clearly as the snake they are.
There’s a moment for each of us when their signature weak and familiar gesture, measured up against all the odd, the confusion, and just plain sad and it just isn’t enough. Suddenly, we are done.
As the sociopath’s weirdness, deception, and betrayal come into focus, we want an end. We, as their prey, want out of the nightmare. Once we say: I’m leaving or, you have to go, we’re treated to Mr. Hyde and narcissistic rage. — The big-bad-monster will not really leave our lives until we establish no contact.
Sociopaths and Narcissistic Users Fear No Contact
What do sociopaths fear losing when the jig is up? After “the well” has truly run dry, they fear losing their physical freedom and their “good reputation”. This deluded idea that they have a “good reputation” is something they think they need to keep intact so they can continue using others.
So, to keep tabs on what we say to others, they continue to hang on even if they “break up” with us. As we’re breaking away and after contact is really important to them for three reasons.
We call this after break-up contact hoovering. It lands as texts, emails, and phone calls; it may be messages or notes on our car or on the door, and it’s scary. There’s plenty of reason that this is scary. It’s normal to be in fear of the narcissistic user, this is all a part of the PTSD.
Breaking Away Means to the Sociopath We’ve Gone Rogue
Once we’ve stepped away from the pathologically narcissistic user isn’t sure if they’re safe anymore, We’re an unknown factor. — We’ve gone rogue.
Not only have they lost their entertainment, or your car keys, cell phone bill payments, their arm candy, or entree into a particular social group: they don’t know what we’re going to do about what they’ve done to us.
This is where “hoovering” comes in. For your safety, if they use actual words in person or by phone, at that moment go ahead and verbally apologize. Soothe them by saying one plain sentence like, I know…it’s all my fault…Not because this is true. But because it’s wisdom; it’s for your safety.
This simple utterance stops hoovering in many cases, as the nutter then believes you aren’t a threat. They are enraged that you broke away, but they believe they can now go freely about their gruesome ways.
This isn’t “enabling” them. They are what they are with or without you.
They only need to feel like they’re getting away with all the lies and scamming. Never give this kind of impression in writing, only in spoken words, let them think they can go freely. Let them feel at ease in exiting. They don’t want us, or their kids — and we don’t want them
Be Sociopath or Psychopath and Narcissist Free Forever
Really, get the skinny on what’s happening, in your specific circumstances. There’s more to this than an article can convey.
For a clearer and faster pathway back to restoring our lives, we need to recognize how amazing we are. This makes the dust settle faster, and the debris and shards of broken lives fall more at their feet than at ours.
Stand up and protect our lives, even in this overwhelming disaster, don’t give in to defeat. Instead, only continue to build treasures of the heart.
Sending all good things…Jennifer Smith
Here’s to REAL True Love and Happiness!
Your unique guided recovery coaching
True Love Scam Recovery Subscribe
Add these to your contacts
so you don’t miss a newsletter!
jennifer@truelovescam.com
info@truelovescam.com
The True Love Scam Recovery podcast! Narcissistic Abuse Unwound
Jennifer Smith, and sometimes a guest, unwinding the confusion.
SD Voyager interview with Jennifer Smith, True Love Scam Recovery
True Love Scam Recovery on Facebook
As a certified coach, upholding industry standards I strive to inform, educate, invite thought and dialogue, co-plan, co-strategize, advise, consult, refer, recommend, train, teach, guide, and coach people in guided recovery and discovery specific to these crimes, and from hell and broken in the aftermath to whole again, and more. You decide what winning is.
www.truelovescam.com and its agents are not licensed as attorneys, medical doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, or therapists. See the entire and full True Love Scam Recovery Privacy Policy and Legal Agreement and Disclaimer here. Thank you.© 2014–2024 All Rights Reserved True Love Scam Recovery www.truelovescam.com
